Random

Hi, 

It's 2024. I can't believe i would still write on something in here. 

So, yes it is. 2024. 

Still me. 

A Writer

They say,

"A writer is someone who has taught their mind to misbehave"

Well, indeed.

Endless

Hi,

Dengan hal-hal yang tak berkesudahan, aku jadi takut nak berhadapan.

Kalau dugaan yang hebat tu boleh mematangkan aku akan kuat,
Kalau dengan ujian yang bertimpa-timpa tu boleh buat aku jadi kebal aku akan tahan,
Kalau dengan masalah-masalah yang tak berkesudahan ni mampu buat aku jadi istimewa di mata Tuhan aku akan redah.

But there's one thing that i wish, i want the ending.

Kenapa manusia suka menghukum?

I hate myself for not being defensive.

Sudah lahh.

Fighting a Battle

Which you know nothing.

Random

Time like this,
I wish i've never existed,
Nobody wants to listen,
I'm screaming for help.

MAKE

Hi,

I would never have thought this.
I could never have called this too.

But, surrounding makes me.

Too pain to bleed,
You can pull the trigger,
But you stay stuck at your point.

Just so you know,
I wouldnt change for the changes,
It is US to do the change.

Dont blame others for this miserable,
It is US to be questioned.

You wouldnt understand, if you dont open to.

When will this ends? Exhausted.

Can I?

Hi,

I do not know what life could brings us.

Have you ever to be loved?
Have you ever to be in the middle of someone?
Have you ever felt to be hidden from something?
Have you ever felt to be fooled?

Can i have someone that truly love me for who i am?
Can i have someone who understand me for what im doing?
Can i have someone who cares for me without care for others?
Can i have someone who always does anything as just they wanted to?

Tired.
Tired to be in the middle of anything.

Can i just have you?
Can i?

Funny

This.

This is how it goes.

You take, you take for your own beneficial.

But you still have something for me.

Funny, funny to your silly.

Don't

Don't find.

Reasons to leave.
Fire to heat.
Words to bleed.
Knife to kill.

Because.

You've hurting.

If you have to leave, just leave.

Hello it's me

Hi,

My visibility this time is not for the set of audience. It's just me. Only me. So, dear self. Get your heart and mind widely open because you never know what are the storms to slap on your face.

So, yup.

That's all.

Bye.

by thoughts

well, something can hit you down on the halfway,
but you always get some remedies along through it,
and you know it.

by thought, something is not right somehow and you need to fix it. but then, someone might be questioning by your actions. crap by these shit questions. it's like when you at the beach looking at the ocean, you'll see nothing. 

oh by the way, just get my position up to next grade. i would call it the 6th grade. i would never have thought this one, but im really one step forward. really. although the consequences might against the nature, but who cares. haha. later, you'll know. i mean later later. haha. because i need to accomplish some stuffs before the declaration. wait haa.

till then, bye.

last but not least

suck in a breath.

ahh, i dont know where to start.

okay. im going to finish this semester. lebih kurang dua minggu dari sekarang. insyaAllah. and im looking forward for that, deed.

i dont know, throughout this path i can see few big things will be hitting me. by right, i got to know how to prepare myself. everyone might against, but whatever it is, like people says without suffering there is no compassion. we have belief, aren't we?

so, all the best everyone! doakan yang terbaik for whatever things that we're going through.

ps. dah nak dekat habis-habis belajar ni tak rasa dah semangat nak exam tu. just thinking of being home. kahkah! so, till then. bye.

huge

it's not easy to get something huge kan.

sacrification,
insufficient,
grasping,
fatigued,
overused,
all the negativity.

but all of those things, kita kena percaya takdir sama kan.

so that, in the end of this journey there is worthiness to be counting for. worth for patiently waiting. worth for the suffering. and worth for this waste.

entah la.

PS. sabar kejap. 

fucked up

hi!

i just think of the word 'complexity'. pretty huge now.

last week, i've gone thru for few frustation things. actually, they were just small matters to be written on. or to be thinking of though.

but you know, when those thing came over and hit on your face after another. you couldnt count them like ever. so much so, someone taught me that we just gotta suck it up and accept it for whatever challenge it takes. i remember this "don't fight life, life always wins".

ah, im nagging. sorry!

ya rabbi... this is not me. really not me.

hey, is it okay if we got two personalities? it's not that you're faking yourself. ah, you know what im saying kan? like you act like this in virtual, and you become like that in real.

screw myself.

Preference

I dont know

How am i going to deal with this kind of situation. Where you need that one person to listen to you but they dont. The only person that you need to get the bless to continue your life peacefully.

Sometimes, yes we need to be considered in situations. But, what if when your preferences are always been denied. Like most of the time. Am i too harsh? Am i too selfish to be thinking of my passion? Do i need to sacrifice and do something that i dont into.

Im in the middle. This is not the first time for me having this kind of conflict. But this time i really really really need them to understand. This is for my future. I dont need advice or stories. All i need is support. The truth is, im in the middle.

:'(

termination.

What done is done,
There is no excuses,
We can’t go back,
We can’t change anything.

Whatever it is,
Don’t stuck in past,
Never work at all,
You’re lying to yourself.

The truth is,
Excuses and lies don’t help,
You’ve been left and roughed,
So, don’t blow yourself.

tak tentu arah

hari-hari aku terfikir,
aku tak ada cita-cita yang spesifik,
tapi aku ada angan-angan.

bukan tak komited dalam kehidupan,
bukan tak fikir nak ada hala tuju,
tapi aku masih tak nampak.

kita tak tahu masa depan macam mana kan,
boleh nak scatch masa depan,
tapi pengalaman ajar aku jangan komited pada masa depan.

salah ke?

btw, esok sarawak cuti sempena good friday. dont worry. deed, does not cross my area. saja nak inform. kahkah.

Plan the ideas

I thought, we are supposed to be taught that planning is a reasonable thing to do before we make something up. But clearly, i have an issue when it comes to deal with this type of person which doing thing without having mental visualization, at leasttt.

For me. I love planning. I love drafting. Does not matter how you're going to do it, how long does it takes to be accomplished or what alternative do you have in order to make that worked and worthy.

It seems not working when you dont put the strategies in. Everybody can make a plan. But not everyone will have it. I mean, we fail to make it real. So, the output is not there.

Put this up

We have a problem indeed.
We dont want to admit it.
We say we can do it.
But what happen, buddy.
We are totally out of it.

We were once had a promise.
To let it flow in peace.
Yes, we could have it if you want it for at least.
Unfortunately, we'd have what we just missed.

Why do we have to complicate these things?

Jujur

Rata-rata masa yang ada,
Aku hanya jujur dengan menulis.

Sebab yang ada waktu aku menulis hanya hati dan jari sendiri.