by thoughts

well, something can hit you down on the halfway,
but you always get some remedies along through it,
and you know it.

by thought, something is not right somehow and you need to fix it. but then, someone might be questioning by your actions. crap by these shit questions. it's like when you at the beach looking at the ocean, you'll see nothing. 

oh by the way, just get my position up to next grade. i would call it the 6th grade. i would never have thought this one, but im really one step forward. really. although the consequences might against the nature, but who cares. haha. later, you'll know. i mean later later. haha. because i need to accomplish some stuffs before the declaration. wait haa.

till then, bye.

last but not least

suck in a breath.

ahh, i dont know where to start.

okay. im going to finish this semester. lebih kurang dua minggu dari sekarang. insyaAllah. and im looking forward for that, deed.

i dont know, throughout this path i can see few big things will be hitting me. by right, i got to know how to prepare myself. everyone might against, but whatever it is, like people says without suffering there is no compassion. we have belief, aren't we?

so, all the best everyone! doakan yang terbaik for whatever things that we're going through.

ps. dah nak dekat habis-habis belajar ni tak rasa dah semangat nak exam tu. just thinking of being home. kahkah! so, till then. bye.

huge

it's not easy to get something huge kan.

sacrification,
insufficient,
grasping,
fatigued,
overused,
all the negativity.

but all of those things, kita kena percaya takdir sama kan.

so that, in the end of this journey there is worthiness to be counting for. worth for patiently waiting. worth for the suffering. and worth for this waste.

entah la.

PS. sabar kejap. 

fucked up

hi!

i just think of the word 'complexity'. pretty huge now.

last week, i've gone thru for few frustation things. actually, they were just small matters to be written on. or to be thinking of though.

but you know, when those thing came over and hit on your face after another. you couldnt count them like ever. so much so, someone taught me that we just gotta suck it up and accept it for whatever challenge it takes. i remember this "don't fight life, life always wins".

ah, im nagging. sorry!

ya rabbi... this is not me. really not me.

hey, is it okay if we got two personalities? it's not that you're faking yourself. ah, you know what im saying kan? like you act like this in virtual, and you become like that in real.

screw myself.

Preference

I dont know

How am i going to deal with this kind of situation. Where you need that one person to listen to you but they dont. The only person that you need to get the bless to continue your life peacefully.

Sometimes, yes we need to be considered in situations. But, what if when your preferences are always been denied. Like most of the time. Am i too harsh? Am i too selfish to be thinking of my passion? Do i need to sacrifice and do something that i dont into.

Im in the middle. This is not the first time for me having this kind of conflict. But this time i really really really need them to understand. This is for my future. I dont need advice or stories. All i need is support. The truth is, im in the middle.

:'(

termination.

What done is done,
There is no excuses,
We can’t go back,
We can’t change anything.

Whatever it is,
Don’t stuck in past,
Never work at all,
You’re lying to yourself.

The truth is,
Excuses and lies don’t help,
You’ve been left and roughed,
So, don’t blow yourself.

tak tentu arah

hari-hari aku terfikir,
aku tak ada cita-cita yang spesifik,
tapi aku ada angan-angan.

bukan tak komited dalam kehidupan,
bukan tak fikir nak ada hala tuju,
tapi aku masih tak nampak.

kita tak tahu masa depan macam mana kan,
boleh nak scatch masa depan,
tapi pengalaman ajar aku jangan komited pada masa depan.

salah ke?

btw, esok sarawak cuti sempena good friday. dont worry. deed, does not cross my area. saja nak inform. kahkah.

Plan the ideas

I thought, we are supposed to be taught that planning is a reasonable thing to do before we make something up. But clearly, i have an issue when it comes to deal with this type of person which doing thing without having mental visualization, at leasttt.

For me. I love planning. I love drafting. Does not matter how you're going to do it, how long does it takes to be accomplished or what alternative do you have in order to make that worked and worthy.

It seems not working when you dont put the strategies in. Everybody can make a plan. But not everyone will have it. I mean, we fail to make it real. So, the output is not there.

Put this up

We have a problem indeed.
We dont want to admit it.
We say we can do it.
But what happen, buddy.
We are totally out of it.

We were once had a promise.
To let it flow in peace.
Yes, we could have it if you want it for at least.
Unfortunately, we'd have what we just missed.

Why do we have to complicate these things?

Jujur

Rata-rata masa yang ada,
Aku hanya jujur dengan menulis.

Sebab yang ada waktu aku menulis hanya hati dan jari sendiri.

Sarawak best - part 2

Recently, i went out to have some leisures like having good food, watching movie and buying a few good books *using bb1m of course together with my friends.

The last destination for that day is waterfront. Sangat lah meriah and it was awesome indeed. I dont know how to put in words but it was such a lovely night untuk lepak-lepak, makan-makan, jalan-jalan and kalau nak beli ole-ole pun bole juak.

Datang jak sarawak. Nang best, nang antap.

PS: salah satu impian aku sebelum grad, nak promote sarawak. Suci gila niat aku. Haha

Keliru

Hidup kita terlampau banyak dengan hal-hal yang mengelirukan.

Keliru dengan masalah,
Keliru dengan persoalan,
Keliru dengan keadaan,
Keliru dengan pilihan,
Keliru dalam banyak hal.

The best part of all of keliru yang ada dalam dunia, keliru dengan diri sendiri. Keliru yang mengakibatkan kita hilang pada pilihan pertama. Keliru yang boleh mengakibatkan kita pergi pada pilihan kedua.

Tak lupa juga, keliru yang seringkali mengakibatkan kita kembali pada pilihan pertama. Dan kebiasaan hasil daripada keliru tadi akan terlahir satu rasa sakit yang kita selalu panggil, sesal.

PS: jadi, jangan kelirukan anda dengan entri aku.

kesibukan yang entah-entah

lari sana-sini,
kejar yang bukan-bukan,
sibuk sepanjang-panjang.

entahlah.

PS: kau kena faham sem akhir nih. hahah

Say something

You're the one that i love,
Im saying goodbye.

Say something, im giving up on you.

that way

sometimes, you got nothing to write on. but all you know is you got to write it anyway.

it's like lines that pretty suit to be left untold.

sunyi

sunyi ada dua:

- bila kita betul-betul sorang

- bila kita rasa keseorangan walaupun everybody's here

i dont know. im feeling that 'second point' now. i should get some meditations, so that it shouldnt be that way. :(

and i should do some reflections on my relationship with the Upper. yah, i should i must i need i know.

PS, actually i need somebody to talk to. but just in between of what i did mentioned earlier of course. bye.

please leave

im so tired of being here,
suppressed by all my childish fears,
and if you have to leave,
i wish that you would just leave,
cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone.

PS: my immortal

ayam panggang - pemanggang ajaib

kahkahkah.

eh, lupa nak greet. haiii!

bukan apa, excited doh. bukan doh yang excited, aku yang excited. hahah. mesti kalian macam krik krik kan. ah, kesahhhh.

ni nak habaq mai. lepas kejadian pizza tu (resepi sini!), aku try buat ayam panggang dengan black pepper sauce pulak.

pendek cerita ni resepi aku lah.

ayam panggang:

- ayam *confirm la kan -.-
- bawang putih
- halia
- sos tiram
- madu
- pepper
- salt
- kicap pekat *option, aku tak letak pun sebab nak letak kat sos pepper

pastu kalian panggang la kat dalam pemanggang tuh. aku balut aluminium foil sebab aku nak ayam tu ber'juicy' sikit. sebelum panggang taruk ah sikit minyak zaitun kat ayam tu or butter as it will give more taste to the all of the ingredients there. *chewaaahhhh. kahkah! boleh selamat panggang dalam 15 minit sebab ayam yang aku panggang tu banyak and besar. pandai-pandai lah kalian tunggang terbalik pemanggang tu. hahah. cepat masak guna periuk nih.

pepper sauce:

- pepper *of course -.- kihkih
- bawang putih
- tepung jagung *aku bancuh dengan air siap-siap
- kicap pekat *2 sudu sebab sos aku buat banyak
- stok ayam *kalau takde, guna je cube ayam. kahkah!

anddddd .................

 

err, mana sos? err arr em ada. tapi aku terlupa nak snap. my bad. tapi boleh bayangkan sos pepper kan? kan? kan? haha. nanti kalau ada resepi lagi aku kongsi k.

pizza menggunakan pemanggang ajaib

hi,

sesungguhnya aku duduk di rumah selain menguruskan urusan-urusan formal, i love spending time in kitchen. hehe. *poyoss nak mamposss!

aku nak test jugak periuk ajaib yang digembur-gembur sekarang nih. haha. jadi, aku rasa benda yang paling menyenangkan pizza la. senang sebab ada bahan kat rumah. tu pun untuk doh aku tak taruk susu. tak efek sangat pun aku rasa. kahkah!

serius ni resepi yang paling mudah bagi orang-orang yang malas macam aku, tapi desire nak mampus terhadap pizza. haha.

doh:

- tepung gandum (aku taruk dalam 2 cawan setengah)

- yeast (1 sudu teh *tapi aku taruk lebih sikit. kahkah!)

- garam (1 sudu teh)

- gula (1 sudu teh)

- air (aku taruk dalam 1 cawan *depend gak lah kat doh maisng-masing)

topping (style aku):

- tomato puree + sardin

- sosej

- daging cincang + ayam cincang

- cheeseeeeeeeeeeee :D

taraaaa!

there it is .........................

halfway of eating it, i just realised that ohhh i gotta take the pic of it. hahah. bukan apa, selain nak menunjuk-nunjuk, dapatlah aku kongsi aktiviti harian aku. haha.

p/s: kalau ada resepi lagi, nanti aku share. *kalau rajin.

School says

Ehem.

Life is too beautiful to get continued upset, right? Live life to the fullest then. Ohh, btw. Aku ada kemas barang-barang lama. And i found those reply letters from my abang angkat and adik angkat. Haha. I dont know, i just felt that school is awesome with those kind of awesome experiences. You know, like having that kind of relationship. Hari-hari sekolah aku begitu indah gituu. Dont ask me why lah when it is justtt because. I mean i feel it that way. Haha

Yang penting walaupun dah habis sekolah, our relationship still remain. I mean, dah takde la istilah angkat-angkat ni. Sekarang yang tinggal cuma istilah kawan lah. Im totally glad with that. Haha. I dont know, in between of playing role as a student, waiting for replies are awesome thing to do every week. You know, that feeling when you are dying to write something in a letter or on a paper precisely. Haha.

Kenangan je semua tu. Batch aku tahulah ni, sebab kadang-kadang aku balas surat pun depan diorang dan kadang-kadang diorang yang kasi idea apa nak tulis dalam tu. Haha. Soooo student..........

P/s: how about yours?

letting

it hurts isn't?

i dont want to cause afflictions,
seems like im the one who hold this out,
when you dont.

it hurts isn't? - i let you go. fatigued and done.

kawan

kata orang

"A friends is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words".

ada kawan yang kita selalu jumpa dan dia kawan baik kita,
ada jugak kawan yang kita jarang jumpa tapi kita tahu dia kawan baik kita.

and diorang yang aku jarang jumpa. 15 tahun punya friendship. alhamdulillah :)

Sarawak best - 1

7.35 pm just now,

My sister turned ntv7 channel on. Kalau sabtu memang confirm doremon la kan.

Aku terfikir. Kalau waktu-waktu sebegini kat sarawak, aku tengah ready for isyak. Kat sini aku baru dengar azan maghrib. Sesungguhnya, aku rindu sarawak.

P/s: just saying.

sounds down uh?

Untuk sesuatu yang kita tidak yakin,

Untuk sesuatu yang tak mungkin,

Apa lagi yang tinggal selain fikiran yang selalu main-main.

Untuk kerisauan tentang harapan yang tak tertunai,

Untuk manusia yang sentiasa lalai,

Apa lagi yang tinggal selain hati yang damai.  

p/s: when there's always way for moving on, i dont know why i got to turn around. seriously, options always bring someone to stick on something and i get stucked and it sucks. trust me! it happened to me, like most of the time.

random

fuhhhh

baru dapat on lappy.
kesihatan tak berapa nak ok. *aku kan resdung, kucing pulak ade 14 ekor kat rumah, so boleh bayang tak selesema dia tahap mana kan?
so, spring cleaning dah buat. get better after that.

banyak berita yang aku dapat bila dah sampai rumah ni.
ada sedih, ada gembira, ada yang haru, ada yang -.- *macam-macam ada.
ohh, takziah buat keluarga siti najwa, my junior yang dah dijumpai after missing for a couple of days T.T satu lagi calling yang buat aku ingat akan kematian yang boleh datang bila-bila masa. *al-fatihah untuk arwah.

bercakap soal kerinduan pulak. aku rindu sarawak. aku rindu bahasa melayu sarawak. aku rindu segala-gala tentang sarawak. *sounds poyo, but it's true.

kalau nak cakap soal belajar ............. *ahh, better dont. damn, aku teringat fyp aku yang tak sudah2.

p/s: random tak patut aku nih.

Redah awan

Jom redah awan.

Sarawak - penang

P/s: goodbye my 5th semester. Aku fikir sem ni paling tough buat masa sekarang. Bercakap soal celaka, aku dah mula faham sedikit-sedikit. Tapi aku dah tak risau sebab bila kita bercakap soal hidup, semua orang akan berhadapan dengan benda yang sama but just differed in concepts where it takes. *damn, ni bukan p/s dah ni. Hahaha

K, bye. Doakan aku selamat sampai rumah dengan jayanya.

listen

i was knocked just now when somebody said this:

"manusia selalu menyesal. dan yang disesal tu disebabkan dia tidak mendengar"

holy true! sometimes we just get regretted because of not listening. so, let's just listen to others as everyone deserves to be LISTENED!

Sunday

Good morning sunday,

This sunday wouldnt be so gloomy when the next sunday i'll be packing for home :)

azam

entah.

aku tak pernah ada azam untuk tahun baharu. oh, mungkin ada waktu kecik-kecik dulu. tapi aku pasti azam aku tu sekadar terdetik buat dalam sesaat dan bertahan untuk sehari dan lepas tu aku geleng-geleng kepala sebab aku sure takkan mungkin aku dapat realisasikan azam aku. ye lah, waktu tak matang aku, aku asyik berazam yang bukan-bukan. penyanyi la, pelakon la, penyampai berita la, operator telefon dll. bila dah meningkat kedewasaan ni, baru aku sedar yang sebenarnya aku memang tak pernah ada azam yang betul-betul serius dalam hidup aku.

but, in between of making revision for exams dalam satu dua hari ni, aku ada terfikir something. yang pasti untuk masa depan aku la. aku fikir tentang ke'serius'an yang perlu ada untuk setiap azam-azam aku yang bakal difikirkan. azam bukan sekadar difikirkan pada awal tahun. sebab azam aku selalunya terilham bila-bila masa yang dia suka dan aku tak halang segala-gala azam yang diilhamkan walaupun azam tu sangat tak relevant a.k.a angan-angan. well, this is me.

entah.

boleh tak?

boleh tak aku nak luah something kat sini?

boleh tak aku nak cakap yang penat siang tadi tak habis lagi?

boleh tak aku nak cakap yang aku tak tahan sakit gastrik ni?

boleh tak aku nak mintak someone urutkan kaki yang lenguh ni?

boleh tak aku mintak korang sabar sikit, aku nak luah lagi ni? *eh,tanda soal?

boleh tak aku nak mintak minggu depan datang cepat-cepat sikit?

boleh tak aku nak cakap yang aku rindu rumah?

boleh tak aku nak someone cakap kat aku ' WOI, GILA KE?'

boleh tak aku nak sambung lagi?

ok, tak dah.

p/s: rasa ok sikit la.